She looks up at the kitchen clock. It’s 19:38 pm. It was his me-time and normally she wouldn’t bother him for an hour and half or so. But she needed a chat and so decided to pay him a little visit in the hobby room. She stops at the door, leans her left shoulder on the doorframe and watches him. He is sitting at the end of the room playing his guitar, forming a silhouette against the soft light from the antique lamp on the side table. He is engrossed in the music, his eyes closed. As if perceiving a presence, he pauses after the first chorus and looks up from his guitar, noticing her standing at the doorway.
Him: kids already in bed?
She nods in affirmation.
She lingers on, observing him.
Him: What?
She: Nothing.
Him: You’ve obviously got something on your mind. What is it?
She unrests her shoulder and walks into the room.
She: Well…how would you feel about me checking into a monastery for a week?
He bursts out laughing.
Him: You never stop with your surprises. (Jokingly) you mean like a convent or cloister??
Are you nuts? Everything is closed.
She: That’s it…a cloister…hanging out with some nuns sounds like a perfect plan.
Him: No kidding?
She: (humoring him) No…no kidding.
Him: Okay, okay...listen, you’ve never been one who practices the celibacy kind of spirituality - that much I know for sure. I love the light it makes you shine...
He observes her closely, trying to read her expression, not quite sure if she’s serious or just being her pranky self again. Holding her gaze, he strikes a chord on his guitar
Him: (lyrically) Baby please don’t go all cloister on me now.
She reads the hint on his expression and bursts out in laughter.
She: Don’t worry, no celibacy for me. Not in a million years. That’s not it.
Him: (Shaking his head) whatever happened to you…Did someone criticize your spiritual vibes?
She: No, that’s not it either… But interesting that you ask that. There’s a misconception about spirituality and if you’re spiritual, people would expect you to be a certain way all the time. The truth is, there is actually no right or wrong way of practicing spirituality. If God is cool with the good, the bad, the ugly, the intoxicating, the fierce, the sexy, the innocent, the inspiring, the bold, and the beautiful, then I’m cool with all of that too. It’s all part of who we are.
(She pauses, then continues)
Unfortunately people tend to have cut-out rules on spirituality and this prevents them from fully connecting with their truths and exploring the different facets of who they are. They search for years for something which they already have. Instead of learning how to manifest it, they keep searching for it, feeling unworthy and not realizing that what they’re searching for is their birthright and something which already resides within them.
Him: Hey listen, I love the way you reinvent spirituality. Keep doing you.
She: I don’t know…with the pandemic…the lockdown and all the rest of it… If things gets any worse, I might as well be living somewhere in a Himalayan monastery (adding jokingly) and I would take you and the kids with me.
Him: Hahaha. Na, no way that’s going to happen.
She casts her gaze down, lost in her thoughts.
Him: Hey, what now…why so serious?
She: Would be really nice to disappear for a while though. Es macht kein spaß mehr.
Him: Hmmm…maybe cut down on social media? Social media is kind of like work wouldn’t you say? Maybe you should take a break from it. That would be akin to going on a retreat.
She gives it some thought and realizes that it actually is a possibility. But then again, isn’t it true that social media makes the pandemic, social distancing, and lockdown all bearable? How else could people connect with friends, with the world, or even promote their businesses in these strange times?
Well, maybe it’s worth a try. Maybe she doesn’t need to go on a pilgrimage, to a monastery, a retreat, nor a cloister for that matter. She could start from home. She could start from where she is, go within, block out the noise, and reconnect with her truth without having to go anywhere else. She’ll take it one day at a time and be good to herself. She will carry on regardless and let nothing dim her spark - not even a pandemic and not even a heart ache caused by self-imposed and soul-restricting rules and regulations. She’ll fulfil her true purpose in this lifetime. She’ll continue keeping it authentic and maintaining every facet of who she really is. Taking it one day at a time.
Yes, she will keep shining her light.